Thinking Too Much
by HolyMangos
Summary: Hours after the Tournament of the Doomed, Clover starts to regret her decision to leave against Julien's orders. Julien notices and they talk.


A request on Tumblr that I finally finished. It took me awhile, but I finally got there. I absolutely love these two.

* * *

"Yeah. And I _knew_ Mort should not be trusted at all, but I was too busy saving your tail to monitor who was holding the mixtape." Julien's voice softened by the end of his sentence, but even that couldn't keep him silent for very long. "Which I think I did a pretty good job of by the way! You are no longer in a coma and no one died! Well, except for maybe uncle and that wildebeest... and those other crazy contestants. Heh. I bet _they're_ sad _they_ didn't have a king to come and rescue them from that freaky tournament, huh?"

The second he paused, Clover could tell he was waiting for a response. So instead of delaying it any longer, she let a simple "yeah" escape her mouth, which fortunately seemed to detour anymore questions for the time being. And even though it was the fifth time he went through the entire I-basically-saved-your-life-during-a-fight-to-the-death story, she didn't bother to stop him.

Because, really, if he was _that_ proud of keeping her alive (something she's done to him for 2 years now) then a couple hours of him talking about it couldn't hurt. He deserved to talk about what he wanted, honestly. Plus, truth be told, she wasn't really listening at this point anyway. Just a few nods and impressed "yeahs" or "wows" were more than enough to make Julien think she was hanging onto his every word.

Maybe she would be if he was informing her all of this tomorrow. Or on a different day. _Literally any other day_. Most of the time, she didn't mind when he would choose to come over and talk —a part of her even _enjoyed_ it— but right now was the worst timing. She still had so many thoughts to sort out and she couldn't do that if he was talking a mile a minute about their musical training montage.

 _Ha. As though that had happened._

The entire walk home had been brutal. In between her trying to connect the dots on all that had occurred, and Julien blurting out an exaggerated description of his _really, very important_ opinions about the tournament, she had never gotten a few seconds to just _be_. Clover didn't remember most of what happened, being unconscious might do that to a person, but she did know she left when Julien ordered her to stay. And that simple fact was eating her up inside.

She tried to justify it all in her head. She tried to convince herself that it was okay. That wanting to honor her family was more important, or at the very least equally important, when compared to following the orders of the ruler who changed her life for the better. She tried to tell herself that it _wasn't_ the gods getting revenge for disobeying Julien, in the form of her seeing the beast that killed her grandmother. And she tried to convince that the guilt wracking her body was unjustified and would go away any second now. That it didn't matter. That Julien seemed over it already, even if she wasn't. (Although, truthfully, who knew for sure? He had a weird way of handling serious situations)

She tried to convince herself of all these things, but she couldn't. It hurt to think about the past day's events, of how Julien was forced to risk his life in a tournament to the death, something he tried so hard to convince her to decline in the first place. And it hurt to know what an inconvenience her unconsciousness caused to everyone around her.

Everything hurt. Julien could have died because of what happened. And it was because of her. It was sickening, wrong, and terrible, and Clover knew that if this were years ago, had she pulled the same devastating stunt, she wouldn't have been so lucky to get out alive. Even if she had survived the tournament back then, Uncle King Julien would have no doubt executed her afterwards for treason. Really, even if she had looked at him the wrong way, he would have lost it..

But Julien wasn't like that. He wasn't lecturing her on how she should never have disobeyed him. He wasn't screaming that he couldn't believe she went against his orders. Instead, he was grinning from ear to ear as he retold what happened. It made no sense. _He should be as furious as her as she was with herself._

Clover couldn't help but look away when Julien began recapping how Uncle King Julien was really the giant snake. Julien stating how that was the "biggest plot twist of his day" only reminded her of the dangerous life he led. Most years only one soul got out of the tournament alive but somehow he had broken the odds with two. And sure, with her grandmother's insistence, she had miraculously woken up at the right second, but without the king, she would have died hours before that could happen. Today was just one of many examples that she needed to always be at her peak performance to keep him safe.

She screwed up so bad. She _left_ and because of that, she risked his life.

Resting her head on the wall behind her, the bodyguard's gaze wandered to Julien whom was standing on the broken bed with his hands on his hips and a grin lacing his features. The bed was one of many things destroyed with her earlier tantrum, something that had started this entire day off...

"—would be crazy. Right, Clover?"

 _Huh?_ Clover's posture straightened and without hesitating, she lifted her head up. Another time Julien needed to think she was actively listening had dawned passed her quicker than she thought it would. "Oh. Uh, yeah." Her voice was no lower than a mumble as she spoke.

"...Yeah? ... _You are_?"

" _Uh huh_."

Julien was staring back with what seemed like disbelief. And automatically Clover's gaze averted to the flooring, some of it scraped up with vengeful punches and furious kicks from times she couldn't control her anger. She never did get the floor completely fixed...

When she looked up, for the first time in their exceedingly long conversation, Julien wasn't speaking. He was still staring at her, mouth slightly ajar and eyes wide.

 _Dear Frank what have I done now..._

Clover didn't even bother to splurge out any redeeming words because maybe this was the first time in the day where he was just _tired_. Yeah. That had to be it. Tired of talking and trying to ignore what was completely her fault. Tired of skipping over the parts in the story that included her disobedience...

 _You should have been there_ , Clover wouldn't stop reminding herself. _You shouldn't have left and you should have been conscious at his side. You shouldn't have allowed yourself to get injured over something so ridiculously stupid_.

Facing Julien one more time, it didn't take long to notice and _hear_ his awkwardly nervous laughter. Considering how loud it was raging, it seemed very likely the entire island could hear how uncomfortable she had made him. _Another thing screwed up._

"…Ahahahaha, good one, Clo! You are getting so funny! I must be rubbing off on you or something!" Julien exclaimed. He used the wall to support his weight, as he tried not to overdo it. "You almost had me there! I was all like _she cannot be serious_. Hahaha…" Voice full of caution, as if he needed to double check she was truly joking.

Clover's ears twitched and her gaze wandered to his, but she still managed to mumble out a weak, "right..."

"Like, even _I_ am not that bad most days! It takes me at least a couple hours before I decide to do the same wacky stuff again, huh?"

Clover just nodded stiffly.

"And _you_ normally are so good with this life lesson stuff! So surely it would be CRAZY if you decided to sign up for the tournament another time, _right_?! That would like totally mess up my own life lessons. Not to mention—"

As the king's uncomfortable laughter tore through the hut once more, Clover shot straight to her feet and was in front of Julien within a second. "Wait _. What_?"

"Yeah! Because if you did something like that then I would be encouraged to do dangerous stuff too! And well, oops, you gotta keep me safe, so uh.. signing up for that tournament again would not be the best decision you could make for me."

Clover didn't quite know how to respond so she continued to let Julien's nervous laughter roar through her hut as she tried to piece together what the king could possibly be referring to.

Meanwhile Julien had assorted into panic mode, as he became more and more convinced that Clover was not actually joking. "You know, I was talking to someone who told me the next tournament wouldn't even be in the same place! HA! How crazy is that?! I'm sure we could never find it and you'd be much too busy anyway. I already have so much stuff I need you to do on that same date. Isn't that such a coincidence?!"

As it became increasingly clear of what idea had somehow been planted in the royal's mind, it didn't take long for the bodyguard to snap back; "Do you honestly think I want to go back there?! To put you through all that again?!" Her eyes widened as though that was the most ridiculous statement she had ever heard from him.

"Uh," Julien blinked. "I mean _I_ didn't think so. But, uh, didn't you just _say_ you wanted too?"

" _Please_. That is the biggest lie I've ever..."

"I mean you kind of implied it, Clover." Julien interrupted. "I was all like, "you're never planning on doing that again, huh? It would be crazy." And you were all like, in that really miserable voice you do, "yeah." Which really sort of freaked me out because it almost sounded like you _were_. Because you were so silent on the walk here and I literally asked again and you said the same thing. And we really need to work on your vocabulary skills if you think yeah is a good response to _everything_ and—"

Clover's gaze drifted from the floor to the king as she slowly realize what had happened. Her dazed off listening and mumbles of agreement maybe weren't actually the best replies to this situation, considering somehow Julien was now sure she wanted to compete again.

After what happened today, she didn't plan on entering _any_ contests for a long, long time.

"No, your majesty." Clover answered, softly. "I mean— _No_. I just wasn't paying attention. I am not competing again, I promise you."

" _Ohhhhh_." Julien drew out, as though that simple explanation cured all problems. "Okay. So you just weren't listening—"

Clover, sure that Julien would rant over how his words were sacred, quickly began trying to offer some sort of explanation, but even hearing her attempts at a rushed reply, the king didn't stop speaking.

"—If I'm being honest, I kind of figured that out for myself. You kept looking off into the distance and not exactly staring at me, like you normally do. I didn't know if you were mad Mort's tail fur got in the album, so I was debating whether or not to make him clean it out again... Buttttttttt then there were your whole _yeahs_ and _wows_ and I was even more confused!"

Clover's expression softened, while Julien continued to talk and talk.

"-It was so annoying. Like every five seconds, _yeah, yeah, yeah._ You were worse than Karl with his 'not now at least.' Like come on!"

Clover sighed, and somehow Julien didn't fail to notice it. As her gaze left his, Julien leaned over so he could still manage to see her change of expressions. " _Hey_. If it'll make you feel better, I can go bother Maurice instead?"

"You're _not_ bothering me." Clover quickly retorted. Much to the rulers surprise, the bodyguard moved to sit beside him on the banged up bed. And after a few seconds of clutching the leaf-made blanket with all her might, she then spoke up. "I'm sorry I haven't been listening. A lot has been on my mind and _apparently_ I've forgotten how to ignore my own thoughts. I'm working on it though. Really. And I promise you, today's mistake will _never_ happen again. I'll train harder and I'll push back any more of those stupid ideas until I've become your invincible bodyguard again. I will—"

"— _Clover_." Julien shot back in the middle of her ramblings. "What are you even talking about? You're _not_ invincible."

Clover's face stiffened with hurt and surprise, and Julien didn't know what he said that suddenly made her look so upset. However, two seconds later, when she noticed his stares, her expression became hard to read once again. Clover responded; "I... I know I'm not _anymore_. And you deserve better. But I'm going to work on it."

"Uhhhhhh, no, Clo. Sorry to break this to you, but you're a pretty good bodyguard _now_." Julien replied instantly. "What is up with you today? You and your miserableness and now _this_. You'd think you'd be focused on the fact that somehow I saved your life again. That doesn't happen very often!"

When Clover's eyes widened, and she stood up from the bed, Julien came to the realization that _maybe_ he shouldn't have brought the saving her life thing up again. In attempt to coax Clover on whatever she was so fidgety about, he tried his hardest to change the subject. "Do you remember that time when you and Maurice were kidnapped by Karl and I heroically came to rescue you both?"

 _Dear Frank. That might not have helped either._

Julien scrambled in his seat, as Clover turned to him for a few seconds. Giving a brief wave, Julien carefully scooted over on the bed as an open invitation for her to sit back down. Watching Clover pace around the room was not helping him placate this already confusing narrative and frankly, he was starting to worry. "Clover?"

"That was the first week of your rule and even then I couldn't keep you safe."

At first, the king was _sure_ he heard that wrong. Clover never was one to care about the past. She moved on so quickly, with obsessive tactics to help the future. Surely she didn't actually feel like anything was _her_ fault...

"Karl could have killed you. And now.. because _I_ abandoned _everything_ , your uncle, and scorpions and sharks and wildebeests could have—could have..."

"What are you talking about?" Julien's grip on her shoulders put a momentarily hold on her hyperventilating. Clover never even realized he had stood up beside her. "Is _that_ what's wrong with you? Because it's a stupid thing to panic about. I'm standing here now, right? Your king is a-okay." He triumphantly promised.

The bodyguard appeared to eye him over after that. And Julien really couldn't tell _what_ she was thinking. But when she pulled away from him and returned to her seat on the nearly snapped bed, he could tell she had at least heard him.

"You shouldn't have had to risk your life like that in the first place. I should have known better then to disobey you."

"Eh. I shouldn't do a lot of things, but I'm still gonna do them." Julien replied casually.

"I should have listened when you told me to stay."

"But it all worked out in the end! Everything's all good."

"You could have died because of me..."

"But I didn't! And _you_ were the one unconscious!"

Even though Julien answered every accusation Clover listed about her mistakes, she didn't seem to hear him. For instead of, mumbling back any form of reply, she looked as though she had single handily witnessed the world crashing down. "It never used to be like this. I was _perfect_ when I worked for your uncle. I _listened_. I was... I was the best. People feared my strength."

Half tempted to retort about how _people still do_ , Julien wrapped an arm around Clover's side. "That was probably because _you_ were afraid of uncle. And who could blame you? That guy slaughtered people for laughs!"

Clover's firm grip on the blanket lessened and she looked at the king. " _What_?"

"I mean.. don't get mad. I wasn't there. _Obviously_. But based on what you've told me, uncle and you didn't have the best relationship. And you've said so many times you've seen him kill people! I'd be freaked out too.. probably never want to make a mistake in front of him either.."

Full on starring now, Clover faced the royal, as he continued to ramble on.

"And, you know, not to brag or whatever, but I like to think you have a little more _freedom_ with me. Not enough to go crazy, but ya know, I let you talk at least..." Julien continued. "Besides, I'm sure you _know_ we live in a pretty dangerous kingdom. Stuff is gonna go down. But that doesn't mean you have to be freaked out about it 27/7s! You can still make your own decisions for the most part with me! And yes, although this one was not the greatest, how were you to know uncle would be plotting the whole thing? _I_ didn't even realize it. And I was so in control of the whole situation." The royal chuckled, but a nudge to Clover's shoulder quickly informed the bodyguard that he was joking. "Seriously, Clo. Stop trying to act like this is all your fault. You just wanted to protect your families honor! Or something..."

Clover, whom was still eyeing the king due to the sudden examination of her life, slowly breathed out. "You're so important to the kingdom, and if something were to happen to you..."

"If something were to happen to me, I still don't think that it would be your fault. It would probably be all on Uncle or Karl or Crimson or, I don't know, someone else, I'm sure."

Julien noticed that even in the middle of his splurges of redeeming words, Clover didn't appear to be listening anymore. Instead, her eyes were focused on the floor, just like earlier when he had rambled on. "Clover?"

 _No answer._ And Julien soon found the resulting awkwardness arising. Trying again, he pressed on her shoulder. "Cloooooo? Hello, we were talkin-"

"-You are a really good king, alright? Not even that—You are the best king we've ever had." Julien nearly fell off the bed the second Clover began speaking. Not due to what she was saying, but from the sharp suddenness of it all. "You are _remarkable_. And I know Maurice and I groan and complain all the time, but you... you're a really good boss and friend. You're not who I thought you would be the first week I met you. Personally I thought you'd quit within a month—"

"-Hey!"

"But you _didn't_. And now, everyday, I am so incredibly thankful for that." Clover stood tall, talking without even thinking first. She didn't completely know why she was saying all this, but she knew it had to be said. "I know a lot of things have changed. But you've stayed the same compassionate ruler you've been since day one. If anything you're probably even kinder! And I... I don't think I would be who I am today if it weren't for you. You are the single best thing that has every happened to me. I'm, uh, very lucky to know you, and I think you should know that."

Clover took in a deep breath before sitting back down.

Realizing how her entire I-appreciate-you speech had more than likely flown over King Julien's head, Clover automatically felt her face heating up and began trying to bring herself back down. "So, um, anyways. Thanks. F—for telling me what happened... while I was unconscious.. and, uh.."

"Maurice wasn't the one who cared so much when you entered the tournament." Julien announced out of the blue. Clover looked about ready to say something, _anything_ , but the royal continued.

"You know how I said you were hurting Maurice by entering the tournament? All lies! Spoiler alert, it was actually _me_ who cared so much." Julien announced. He nudged her shoulder, before his face twisted in a grimace and he kept talking.

"I mean I am sure Maurice cared somewhat. But _definitely_ not as much as _me_." Julien explained, now grinning once again. "It was all my idea to go and stop you! Because, uh.. If you got stung by war ready scorpions or slammed into a wall repeatedly by a gigantic wildebeest.. then _I_ would be hurt too. Not like physically, but with emotions, of course. No matter the reason why, even if it is for your families honor, or whateves."

A hint of a smile lit up Clover's face as she playfully punched his shoulder. "Alright, enough of this sappy talk."

Julien, who tried his hardest not to rub at the now probably broken bone, retorted; "Hey! You were the sappy one first! I was more than happy to take what I said to my grave!"

"Only because you were all, _oh, Clover! It is okay! Don't feel bad_ —"

Splurges of attempts at redeeming words shot out of Julien's mouth, but soon he began gasping in disbelief. "No, no! You were all sad because _ooooh, it's all my fault King Julien almost died, oh no_!"

Not even hesitating, Clover playfully whacked the king with a pillow. "I did _not_ word it like that."

"You did not word it at all! You only sighed dramatically!" Julien exclaimed, shielding off the incoming attack. He then grabbed the leaf-stuffed pillow beside him and playfully slapped her in return.

" _Please_." Clover retorted. She ducked from the incoming blow, before striking forward. She grabbed both the pillows and tossed them to the ground, much to Julien's helpless disappointment. "You didn't have to say anything to start with. I could have dealt."

"You probably could. But _me_ , being the great king I am, had to make sure." Julien continued to talk after that. He proudly announced some of the things he had done to make him the great king he was now. But Clover wasn't listening anymore. Instead she sat there with a fond smile.

"Thank you... for caring, your majesty. And for listening."

Julien shrugged. "Yes, well… thank you for keeping me from dying mostly."

Clover nearly snorted at that, but ended up holding herself back from any form of laughter. Instead, she playfully nudged his shoulder with a small smirk.

Julien nudged back, before standing up at the bed. He put his hands proudly on his hips, before declaring. " _Okay_. We should probably head back to the plane now, before Maurice looses it. I _may_ not have told him that I left."

Clover shook her head, but even knowing that she had been an influencer in his apparent disappearance, she still couldn't help but grin. "Right," Clover answered, gently. "We best get you back then. _On it!"_

Julien sniggered at her cheesy catchphrase and with an arm leaned against her shoulder, stood. Together, they walked to the place where their entire day had started.


End file.
